Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"My Ambitious Girl: I'll Never Forget You"

I always had ambition--big dreams. I always loved the news,one reporter in particular, Christiane Amanpour . When I was eight years old I looked at her reporting the news from conflict zones and I was like,

I wanna do that shit.

But somewhere along the way my vision became smaller. I acquired a more "humble" view of what the possibilities of my life could be.I learned to be a little ashamed of ambition. I saw what a big joke the people who tried and failed were.

I'm from New Orleans where dreams are something like movies--enjoyable, but not to be confused with reality. I started dating and the boys I knew saw reality and it's possibilities very differently. I found myself trying to make myself as finite as their goals and motivation. They didn't understand, it wasn't just money I was chasing it was something else...

I spent a little while in my life telling myself I didn't want that thing anymore. I could do without it, you know? I told myself that I was shy, a loner, aloof -- so that was the role I played. I remember a dear friend telling me once to cut the bullshit.

"There's somethings you just don't do and say, honey,he said,"if you're shy." We laughed till we were nearly in tears.

I've just recently gotten back to my dreams, accepted them as possibilities in my heart. Maybe war corresponding isn't what I want anymore but I have learned not to compromise myself. I accept that moving towards my dreams means that you may lose people along the way. But I've also found that you can gain better ones with every step you take forward.

Life can beat you down-- but one thing I know about myself, is that I can take my lick. There is nothing like knowing that the time is now. I do and I intend to act.

I got my gloves on now and Mama shouldnt'na let me leave the house...

It's on nah,


Writer Toure says that KRS-One once described rap verses as confidence sandwiches. Here's party tray full...this joint makes me nostalgic.

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