Friday, August 12, 2011
The First Love is Self: Feminism Friday
Recently, the Wall Street Journal featured an article about the "crisis" in the black community. The article laments the fact that 70% of black women are unmarried and what, if anything, we can do about it. So being that it is that only 30% of us have found our [alleged] prince charming, had 2.5 kids, erected the picket fence and bought the dog... now what?
Where the Wall Street Journal sees a calamity, a feminist sees the opportunity for radical change. I'd posit that what most black women need more than a "husband" is a serious realignment of their loyalties, priorities, the mental space to revaluate their lives , and the economic opportunity to enjoy their worth and purpose.
We are all were endowed with certain gifts and abilities, the power to live to our full potential, to offer the best of ourselves to the world. That is a strength that flows through the self and before we extend our hands in service to our partner, we must first be cognizant of their capability.
As women--society, men, our mothers, fathers, our religion, teach us that to an extent, giving up one's own self to be a "wife" is a noble, spiritual, sacrifice. I think it’s high time that women begin to reconceive and embrace an evolving spirituality that fosters growth, wellness and change in themselves and their communities.
In the face of all those voices, I am going to offer a radical idea...you deserve to be happy.There is no higher calling in life--self-actualization; it is your divine, inalienable right. I remember Rihanna's interview with Diane Sawyer, when she said you have to get to a point where you are like, "fuck love".
If that love is only pain, or the death of your own self-identity, than it is an illusion. In that situation the only thing to do is grow a pair and face the fact that the emperor is definitely wearing no clothes.
A long term relationship, legal or otherwise can be a positive and rewarding experience. No doubt--a person who truly loves you, supports the vision you have for yourself, and reciprocates the love you give, is the shit.
But if it ain't that, then it ain't shit ladies.
There is a whole world, with infinite possibilities, in front of us. It’s time for women in the 70% to begin to contemplate love, life, companionship and friendship as a practical matter not a fairy tale-- our lives depend on it.
If I talk it-- I lived it,